When I see you suffering there is nothing I can do. I can not fix the situation. I can not help you feel better about yourself. I am not causing your suffering. Your feelings and emotions are yours to control or not. Your anger and getting mad are behaviors that you can control. I can not. I am not causing your anger. I am not causing you to be mad at me. You are causing your own suffering.
If we exclude everyone else, our relationship begins with you and I. Your self-esteem and my self-esteem are the key to our relationship. Your self-esteem needs constant affirmations. My self-esteem does not. Your self-esteem needs to devalue others and blame others so that you feel good about yourself. My self-esteem does not.
I cause my own suffering. In the present moment, as you hear or read this, you are causing your own suffering. My words are not causing your suffering. I am not causing your suffering.
I am responsible for my own feelings and emotions. In the present moment, as you hear or read this, you are responsible for your own feelings and emotions. I can not control your behavior and you can not dominate me and control my behavior.
What is the difference between a team player and someone who is not a team player?
Sustaining teamwork over time requires balancing inquiry and advocacy, balancing empathy for others and self-centeredness, and more than twice the positive feedback compared to negative feedback.
You are not a team player, if:
You are self-centered all the time, advocate to control others and always make negative statements, even when you appear to be complimenting someone.
Your self-esteem is very low. You have holes in your ego that you can not fill. You hide all of this behind a facade of confidence, authority and control. You devalue others so you will feel better. You calculate the benefit to cost of relationships so that you receive the most benefit at the least cost.
Your children are being abused by this behavior. Your children have difficulty expressing their feelings to anyone in a healthy way because of your self-centered behavior.
You are unable to have a long-term relationship unless everything is superficial and all the positive affirmations flow toward you. You have many friends giving you positive affirmations to fill your ego holes.
You can not keep a job where you have management authority because you are not a team player. You can not have a long-term marriage because you are not a team player. You can not have a relationship with family members unless they are superficial and the other person gives you positive affirmations all the time.
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