Friday, April 26, 2013


When I see you suffering there is nothing I can do. I can not fix the situation. I can not help you feel better about yourself. I am not causing your suffering. Your feelings and emotions are yours to control or not. Your anger and getting mad are behaviors that you can control. I can not. I am not causing your anger. I am not causing you to be mad at me. You are causing your own suffering.

If we exclude everyone else, our relationship begins with you and I. Your self-esteem and my self-esteem are the key to our relationship. Your self-esteem needs constant affirmations. My self-esteem does not. Your self-esteem needs to devalue others and blame others so that you feel good about yourself. My self-esteem does not.

I cause my own suffering. In the present moment, as you hear or read this, you are causing your own suffering. My words are not causing your suffering. I am not causing your suffering.

I am responsible for my own feelings and emotions. In the present moment, as you hear or read this, you are responsible for your own feelings and emotions. I can not control your behavior and you can not dominate me and control my behavior.

Thursday, April 25, 2013


Right now, I am causing my own suffering, in the present moment. I am responsible for my own feelings, emotions and thoughts that cause my suffering right now.

I have control over my own behavior in the present moment. I am responsible for my own feelings, emotions and thoughts, here, right now. I am accountable for managing and controlling my own feelings and thoughts, in the present moment.

I am not responsible for your feelings. I am not the cause of how you feel right now. Being here now, I am not responsible for your feelings, emotions or thoughts, in the present moment.

We are each responsible in the present moment for our own feelings and thoughts about the past. I can not control your behavior anymore than you can control mine.

Your feelings come from your own thinking. Your beliefs and expectations are things you generate and control.

For example, your feelings about past experiences are not my responsibility. I am not accountable for your feelings about your past.

When you respond to me with anger, blame, resistance, withdrawal or compliance, you will likely end up feeling anxious, stressed or depressed.

When you get mad at me, I practice loving-kindness in my mind to manage and control my feelings, emotions and thoughts in the present moment.

I practice non-suffering. Everyday, I have to practice with mindfulness over time to create memories of non-suffering. When I accumulate enough memories of non-suffering, then I can use them in stressful situations.

You are using your memories to cause your own suffering in the present. You have accumulated stressful memories that you are using to make yourself mad in the present.

What would you like to have happen?
How are you going to feel when that happens?

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Why Mindfulness?

Over time, practicing mindfulness accumulates memories of a calm relaxed body, and a calm and focused mind. As the level of these mindfulness memories increases over time, their power to influence us in the present increases. For example, if I am in the dentist’s chair getting my crown replaced and having my tooth ground down, my memory of walking meditation on the beach is available to me in the present to maintain a calm and relaxed body, and a calm and focused mind.

Only after months of consistent and dedicated practice did mindfulness accumulate sufficient memories, and condition my body and mind enough for me to be able to use those memories in the present. Prior to practicing mindfulness, I had experienced stressful situations and created memories of my body stimulated by the fight or flight syndrome. My mind and body triggered anxiety attacks by associating past memories with a present situation.

Walking meditation seems to create the strongest memories, and condition my mind and body to be calm and relaxed. The key to any meditation is practicing proper breathing. Using belly breathing to push my stomach out, so that my lungs expand down into that space, allows me to get oxygen into the lower part of my lungs. After months of practice, simply sitting and using proper breathing helps keep me calm.

Close your eyes and imagine an orange in your hand. Feel the orange. Smell the orange. Peel the orange. Smell a slice of orange. Then open your eyes. During the time you were doing that exercise, your taste buds fired because your brain and your tongue remembered what an orange smelled and tasted like. We have accumulated memories of stressful situations and kept reinforcing those memories over time.

The accumulation of memories of stressful situations leads to the mind triggering in the present a reaction to a thought. For example, I had conditioned my body and mind to react to stress so well that I could be laying in bed trying to go to sleep and simply imagine a stressful situation, so that my body would react with twitching muscles and my mind would start having wild thoughts.

Now instead of anxiety attacks, I have meditation attacks. Anticipating a stressful situation, I start to focus on my breathing. If I can, I close my eyes just like when I am practicing sitting meditation. If I need to have my eyes open, I remember practicing walking meditation. After a few breaths, I realize my shoulders muscles are tense so I drop my shoulders and relax my arms and hands. I focus on my breathing. I start my counting (or chant a mantra or both) that I use when I am meditating.

I continue my routine process that I use when I practice sitting meditation. If I can close my eyes, I focus on the backs of my eyelids. I practice this all the time to stop visualizing memories and imaging stressful situations. When my eyes are closed, there is nothing to see. This creates a memory of a calm mind and an empty mind, even though my mind has not stopped working and is full of activity. I keep my mind occupied with paying attention to every inhale and every exhale, and counting every inhale and every exhale. I keep my mind occupied by repeating a phrase with every exhale just before I count that exhale.

Mindfulness happens when my mind wanders, I realize my mind has wandered and I bring my mind back to focus on my breathing, my counting and my mantra.  Over time, practicing mindfulness accumulates memories of bringing my mind back to the present and focusing my mind on my breathing, counting and mantra, so that I can use that skill in stressful situations.  Instead of having an anxiety attack, I have a meditation attack.

Practicing mindfulness accumulates memories that I can use in the present to maintain a calm and relaxed body, and a calm and focused mind.

Friday, April 12, 2013


As corporations continue to focus on keeping profits flowing and accumulating wealth, they will attempt to continue to privatize land and water resources. Without government intervention, the Corporations are designed to privatize all resources and dispose of all wastes in the commons.

Sunday, April 7, 2013


What is the difference between a team player and someone who is not a team player?

Sustaining teamwork over time requires balancing inquiry and advocacy, balancing empathy for others and self-centeredness, and more than twice the positive feedback compared to negative feedback.

You are not a team player, if:

You are self-centered all the time, advocate to control others and always make negative statements, even when you appear to be complimenting someone.

Your self-esteem is very low. You have holes in your ego that you can not fill. You hide all of this behind a facade of confidence, authority and control. You devalue others so you will feel better. You calculate the benefit to cost of relationships so that you receive the most benefit at the least cost.

Your children are being abused by this behavior. Your children have difficulty expressing their feelings to anyone in a healthy way because of your self-centered behavior.

You are unable to have a long-term relationship unless everything is superficial and all the positive affirmations flow toward you. You have many friends giving you positive affirmations to fill your ego holes.

You can not keep a job where you have management authority because you are not a team player. You can not have a long-term marriage because you are not a team player. You can not have a relationship with family members unless they are superficial and the other person gives you positive affirmations all the time.